I left my apartment windows open — I am wild that way — and the rainstorm ruined the place to teach me a lesson. I caulked the cracks in the plaster and found patches from before. I repainted the walls and noticed the hasty paint job; the corner’s curves giggled as I lay down the painter’s tape; my soul felt the healing of wet, tender bristles on the wood’s latex skin over cracks, bulges, bumps, and bends. This place was alive with getting put together and falling apart again. I beheld its incurable quaintness and brutal, undeniable charm. Forlorn, I came to understand I would only add my own mistakes. I lay in bed; the walls were mine. The apartment an awning of wilderness.
So startled to see vibrancy: the full tender flesh of the flowers; proud colors present themselves before the overcast sky faithfully to the sun. Fragile, these fall days; about to tumble… the wind wisps about me. I see a tree struck by lightening; a cloven branch clings to the trunk, its leaves at my feet, curling with burning crimson. I gaze up and blink at the tree’s green leaves.
Though it’s getting late in the day, shall I skip over to the lake? My years do not count like those of a child. I go to the lake, overjoyed to see the sun has not set. The sunlight dances completely from one side to the other; the entire breadth is shimmering: the glory of the dancing sunrays on the water. That is what these fall days provide: an extended lifespan and, then, to finally see the naked tree revealed in the light.
I saw a beautiful floating thing rock–leaf–floaty, hovering just beneath the surface of the pond. My heart gazed; my romance always on “It is perhaps a piece of trash; don’t be open.” I gazed sunken rock, gold leaf, floating submerged Then I saw it: a turtle’s head poking out of the water breathing with the whole pond, breathing my breath, so cute and innocent at once my love was explained. One turtle in the whole pond breathing in air for the whole pond, poking its head out to connect the underneath with the forest. Floating in earnest little grace and so picturesque I grabbed and shook my phone. “You are going to miss him. He will go should you take his picture.” I took it. He was not in it, just a pond and woods so picturesque if there would be a little turtle in the middle of it. I gazed and saw the turtle unchanged and as I delighted he ducked his head down; a ring emanated over the pond and a little bloop where his head had been — gone. I looked back at the picture. He was there; his head one little speck. The sublime floating gold unseen hidden by the pond’s reflection of the sky. I talked with some people there; they had seen the turtle, too.
The best words hold aloft that glimpse of self shining through, unraveling ensnaring words.
I relished your boyish whimsy: wanting, at one and the same time, to do no evil and to index everything. I snapped at a shrub to give to you, wondering if you would tell me whether it was shrouded in those same leaves of old that crown a good sauce. You guffawed and tutored me to consider man–made products: I would do well to avoid flowers and puppies. I lay in a patch of Quaker Ladies near the water as the Spring gusts garnished me with pollen. I strolled barefoot home in the mud as the rain came. You turned white when I asked the meaning of Stockton Gala Days; you produced the most delicious drops of technicolor: something in the red, green, and blue pixels of your blank screen shinning through the ensnared dew still waiting to connect technology to nature. I longed to turn you around to give you a picture of yourself, but then the moment would have been lost and somehow the algorithms that embed don’t capture it all.
Once upon a time, just blobs of cold. We know better now our modern sensibilities understanding each flake: a little bit of dust through hot and cold from such great heights, a natural growth of crystalline nature unique through its travels often imperfect its simple structure making it glaringly obvious, melting on human contact.
I have been only projecting feelings upon the wall of my life. It is a strange movie. I cut myself loose, turn myself wild. These raw feelings, man need not witness. These raw feelings, I need them for a real life, to tread them. To tread the path; to be in the sunlight.
The gentle, arched wob-wob, she advances step-step up the lake. There is no one here except the mini-Lochnesses momentarily periscoping up, facing the wind as it whips up waves. Oh, another follows step for step in step. I realize this is Spring. Briefly, I wonder if the tension is only my speculating: she will yield without a fight or they are already friends as well as lovers. It is Spring and each walk step-step up this long lake and it would take all day; no, never finish, they way they walk step-step. He leans into flight, glides purposefully down the lake, over the hill, and is gone. Perhaps she didn’t notice; perhaps she felt a mere ripple of a flap amid the wind; perhaps she was only looking one step ahead as she continues step-step. She eventually settles in and he returns, wings splayed, cruising to the other end like he has some business to attend to.
Oh, why slug through these miserable lessons when I could tip–tap with joy? — or, perhaps that’s the lesson.