Which Is Where We Are Now

I’m in my room, which is an apartment in a high-rise. White paint, somewhat spacious. I look at my computer books sitting on a milk-crate used for a mini-bookshelf. They are old and useless now. Newer and more convenient information is available on the internet. I remember that I keep them for sentimental reasons. I look through the books. There is maybe one page of sentimental attachment in each book. Time to get rid of these books.

Back at Pizza Hut. Back at the cut table. Things seem nice and easy, only the pizzas aren’t matching the tickets. I wait for the mismatches to clear up, but they don’t. I begin to label the pizza boxes with marker, then realize that one of the pizzas is double boxes and the ink on the inside rather than the outside. Drivers come and help out. One of them counts the pepperonis on the pizza to make sure there is the right number — wow, that kind of detail is not called for in this hodge-podge, and what’s with the handling of the food. Despite my inability to match any pizza with any ticket, the drivers seem to find their pizzas and the cut table clears up. The pizza belt speed slows down, then speeds up. Still, no matching.

It’s late at night and I leave church service early. The parking lot is full.

A lady cop approaches me as I get to my car. She asks me if there are any drugs in the back of my trunk.

Though I’m aware of my rights for her needing to present a search warrant to search, I yield and open the trunk. It looks clean and spacious despite some knick-knacks. It’s quiet large.

As we talk, I become aware drugs in red packaging are taped to my chest. They’ve been there for a couple of days. “How could I have these on me for a couple of days?” I ask myself in surprise, “At least I must of showered.”

She notices how puffy I look in my shirt and asks about it. I pull off the taped drugs and hand them to her — only I’ve pulled out a large, unopened package of cocoa-puffs. So, I’m safe.

We go into a building. Into a small couple of rooms. She knows I still have drugs taped to my chest but she isn’t going to arrest me. She asks about my brother. I say he’d never take drugs or be in anyway involved. I go to the bathroom sink as we talk.

Next day, I drive to and pass through a second-hand store that some friends of mine work in near the courthouse.

I fall in with some gangsters. I’m introduced to the gangster townhouse by the son. He tells me about a spaghetti sauce called LIAM I should avoid because one of the vegetables used in the sauce contains a psychologically detrimental chemical. The son is weak but ambitious. This is in contrast to the father, who is strong and in control. Other characters in the mob include a man would who looks like Orson Wells and is the father’s right hand man and a Marlyn Monroe figure who has been in 2 unknown films and whose only desire is to be in just one more film, one that makes it big. Another person who is friendly to me was a dancer instructor, a women in her late twenty’s or early thirties. Not much drama with her. She was more of a solid or wholesome character, standing for peace and sane living.

Son convinces his father’s accomplices to come over to his side without the father knowing. I get a call, it’s Father. He wants to know what’s up. I’m talking on a plastic pink phone from the 50s. Though I should need a cord for the connection, I need to walk outside to speak of these discrete matters.  I find the phone works without a chord.

I believe in honesty. I believe in Father — that the father is responsible. I tell him that Orson and the other big guy have gone over to the son.

I go to the cramped kitchen where everyone is hanging out. Son is making spaghetti. What is he doing? He’s serving that LIAM sauce to everyone!?! I see the cans and the bowls of spaghetti. The son in in the corner near the stove.

The angry father steps into the kitchen with glaring eyes. He fires 2 shots into the son so directly, it’s as though they enter into dead flesh. I’m so very sad this happens. I wonder at my trust in Father. Perhaps I should not have told him.

Later I dream in reference to the mob: we all come from the same base — as in the same DNA — the differences are negligible.

Playing safety for the skins. Against Minnesota, a fast running-back, 21, does well by approaching the line and doing a little out pattern and going all the way with no one covering him. After the first time this happens, I make a mental note to cover him on the line when he does this. It happens again. I don’t understand why the coach doesn’t say anything about this dangerous play. The play happens three times, each time I’m caught off guard. These scores resulting in an embarrasing loss.

Next week we are playing Phily. At one point, the coach does mention the danger of that play to me and I tell him I’m plan to cover him (him??, we are playing a different team??) exclusively on plays like that one. I’m careful to put on my cleats. We walk up to the stadium. We listen to the other team do their prep talk just before the game. We try to walk into the stadium. It turns into a Phily metro station just outside the stadium. We have to wait for the subway. I have my shoes and socks in a small, handled paper bag.

We are taking a bus to the game. I don’t have my shoes on.

There is a couple women at the front of the bus. I ask her what she does. “I take care of shoes and manage things,” she says. I tell her I forgot my cleats. She looks at my bare feet. “It’s OK. Play barefoot” she said. “Yes,” I say, “that’s what I plan to do.”

I’m at my parents’ home, eating cereal and either listening to the radio or watching TV. I wonder when I’m going to get my cleats on and go to the game. The announcer says the game is going to begin after these messages. I’m going to be late for the game, and what about number 21??

I befriend a young girl. I’m a young boy. I’d like to get into bed with her, to make love to her of course; the emotion is more like a nap or a soul-embrace. She has a terrible secret that prevents this. Some man comes at night. There is fear of his destined approach. We wait together.

There is a box car. Strip away the steel. There are layers and layers of interwoven steel strips lining the car. Strip away the steel. The last layer reveals a platoon of solders cavorting with the girl; she’s helpless among them. They are crude in their jovial taunting. They are all in on it. They all get a piece of her.